In my house, love was a commodity. You traded it, it was easily taken and rarely given. It was never given to complement, to inspire, to help. It was a reward for some task performed, a good job for services rendered in the duties
ordered given to you… if you were lucky.
I love you. Three simple words. Easy enough to say, just never used. I recall the first time my father say he loved me (less than 2 years ago… no not 20, 2…) I almost threw up because I didn’t know how to respond and frankly the feeling was NOT mutual (see other posts on that one). Of course less than a year after that he told me to never talk to him again (yay for small victories).
Here in my ripe old age (we will say late 20’s) I realize that I have issues telling people that I love them! JOY! I also have problems with appropriate touch like a hug for example. That has gotten better over the years but it was an odd experience to have to ‘get over’ being hugged. I also didn’t get to tell the people that mattered the most to me that I loved them, I didn’t know it was an appropriate way to show affection. So I have no memories of telling my mother, who left when I was just a child that I loved her, or my uncle, who killed himself 7 short years ago that I loved him. Both of whom I loved very much.
So this is an open letter to all of you, each and every one of you. To anyone reading these words right now, this… is to you:
I love you.
PS- Yes, that is in fact, my real name, I picked it myself and this will be the first time it is ever used here on Fallen. I wanted to be as sincere as possible, so this is my way of giving a piece of me to each and every one of you. Why do this? Because I’ve had a bad day, sure we have all been there. But my hope is that this will find someone who is also having a bad day and make it slightly more bearable.