Waiting for Superman

At the table, my Mom and I are playing with my new toy. When you are a child, the simplest things can seem the most entertaining. I am mixing super secret chemicals into a plastic monster mold; Halloween is over so I finally got what I wanted, it was on sale! My Mom gets up from the table, walking past the kitchen and down the hall; she enters her bedroom.

I continue contently mixing my evil concoction. With visions of Frankenstein’s monster in my head, I open the tube my Mom said not to use yet and add it in, it is taking too long and I want to play with it now.

“Alex”

“Alex!” My Mom yells

I take my time, she can wait, and this cannot. I finish with what I am doing. I cannot think of anything else to do with it because I need her to help me figure out the instructions. They are in some strange adult language that I do not understand yet. I make my way clumsily down the hallway; I am in no hurry despite the urgency of my Mother’s beckoning. I get to the master bedroom door, right next to my room, and walk in.

My father has both hands around my Mother’s neck, she looks like she is flying as her feet dangle off the ground.

This is but a mild, commonplace sight in my household so I do not grasp the gravity of the situation. However, I do not like it. My Mother starts to point out that I am watching and he lowers her to the ground, slowly, and then releases her from his hands. This seemingly incredible feat of strength will haunt me for years to come despite many others that were even more horrifying prior and post this incident.

To a child he was a Supervillain and there was no way I could win. He was huge, strong and unstable. I needed help. I needed someone even stronger to beat him.

I needed Superman.

I wrote letters. I called out. I made signs. I did everything I could think to do.

So I waited…
And waited…
And waited…

One day while watching TV on the couch, Mom runs in the house through the open front door. She takes a knee in front of me and she tells me that she loves me. She says that she is going away but she will be back soon, things will be better when she comes home and that she will miss me. She tells me the sweetest things I will ever hear, things that still make my heart melt. I just stare at her not quite understanding. She gets up and then walks out the door; she does not look back. I do not realize it at the time but I will never see her again.

I say nothing to her, the TV demands my attention and I give into it.

Superman never came, the day was never saved; yet I continue to wait. I am waiting for my Mom to walk in the door, I am waiting to tell Mom that I love her too, which is the single largest regret of my life, but mostly I am still waiting…

Waiting for Superman

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28 responses to “Waiting for Superman

  1. Amazing piece of work, brought me back to my own buried visions from over 50 years ago. Sad so many of us have them. You express yourself so well as the child. Did he ever find Mom? Amazing work.
    Blessings

  2. You were a child; innocent and as you were supposed to be. Your lack of reply to her ‘I love you’ is nothing to regret; she knew it, you knew it, and therefor words were not needed. This breaks my heart into a million pieces and I want to just scoop little Alex up and hold him forever. As for Superman … sometimes, we are our own hero; our best hero, and you may not realize it yet, but you became him. You survived and you lived, and that is more than that fictional character could ever do.

    • You’re too kind, as always my love. You can hold me forever, I will allow and encourage it 😉 I did make it and I will continue to make it. We play the cards we were dealt in life and while I haven’t been able to do much with mine perhaps between the hand you and I were dealt we can come out on top finally.

    • Lunatic……….I am so happy you found this angel. Your words perfect, sweet and special. oxox

  3. My heart breaks for you…we never get over what has happened to us as children…we never forget what helped ‘shape’ us into the adults we are today.
    Your writing touches me so…big Superman-sized hugs 🙂

  4. Dear Alex,
    My heart aches and tears roll down my cheek. Your writings deeply affect me. I ask the universe to bring you Joy & Happiness into your life, and that perhaps one day you have the opportunity to locate and connect with your Mom.

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