The show must go on

My mind races at a million miles for hours
I start thinking I have some sort of super powers
Go to the roof to get high, no I don’t smoke, see that’s the joke
Time to get high, jump off the roof and I’ll start to fly.

I can be superman and that’s the plan to watch me dent the cement and avoid having to cover the rent
As I start this rhyme wondering all the time how I can get away with my crime
The punishment is death and I’m on the row, for what I do not know
Guilty at birth for whatever that is worth, time for a lethal injection and take this in a whole new direction

I wake up day after day just wanting the pain to go away
I once downed enough ambien to kill a horse, just hoping it would alter my course
Nevertheless, I failed at the success, wake up the next day, because dreams won’t take the pain away
Why can’t I just die, it never seems to work, god must be laughing at me, that fucking jerk

Sometimes I just want to end the pain, put a gun to my temple and just remove my brain
Who cares about the fucked up mess it’s a guaranteed success just one bullet away to see my last day
What does happiness have to do with life, just give me a big enough knife to slice my wrist for a little while and watch it bring on the smile
It’s the simple things that give the most pleasure so cut a little deeper just for good measure

You feel sorry for me, well that’s a laugh you don’t even know the first thing about me or last half.
You want to feel bad and that’s great if you want to help just make sure the ambulance is a little late
What the fuck, this is a bad hand so it’s time to cash it in  because I can’t win
Why play a game when you’re going to lose might as well just take a little snooze
What’s another pill or a cut anything to get over the hill and out of this rut.

I was told it’s time to close a chapter but we’re at the end of the book, didn’t you see all the abuse I took?
Stop thinking I’m a good guy how many times do I need to make someone cry.
It had to end sometime so when you read what I write. Just remember that I get to select how you view me and pick the nicest light.
So when I paint the walls with my splatter don’t pretend like you care, like I matter. You don’t know me from the hole in your ass but we’re both full of shit, ugly and crass.

Let’s play a game and see how bad we can make my life suck you selfish little fuck like I didn’t do you a favor but you love the taste of pain is your favorite flavor
You only knew the me I let you see the smoke and mirrors for my show and that was the me you got to know
Oh the show must go on and the stage is set, time to rip out my brain and make my body forget
Time to close the curtain and finish the book, time to watch the magic from the pills that I took
Gather the hippos and say goodbye, turn them around so they won’t have to cry.
Where’s the knife and grab my gun, time to take my life and have some fun
You want to play a game and so do I, it’s called how many times do I have to die.

36 responses to “The show must go on

      • Dude, it felt so real, and it entirely blew me away. I was scared you really went for it…

        So, yeah, a good ‘fuuuuck’ in a way, if your mission was to break people’s hearts. 🙂

        • Haha 🙂 no I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon. But I’m glad I can blog about it at least! Although I don’t mean to worry people. Maybe I should put a disclaimer in there somewhere. Since this is the second time now people were worried about me… oops 😦

          • I think that’s a good idea, dude. And I think the first time you also said you’d put a disclaimer next time. Learn from your mistakes, dude, learn from your mistakes… 😉

            I also do it, whenever I write something disturbing, just to make clear that it’s fiction.

          • Haha I think I did. I need to remember. Sometimes it’s hard when I’m running on no sleep. Oh well here is hoping I get it right the third time!

    • Thanks twindaddy, no I think I am good now but feel free to shoot me an email or something sometime if you are ever worried. I can typically respond to that quicker than this. Been a little busy haha bad timing for a post like this though I know.

  1. Do you have somebody to talk to like a therapist or a crisis line? You sound like you’re in a seriously bad place.

    • I’m fine, I just had a lot of anger and what not to get out. Creative killing is how I think of it. I know it sounds morbid but it helps me cope some and gave me a endless love for good horror movies.

  2. very powerful! very strong images; im so sorry you feel this way 😦 please hang in there – you may be surprised to find more people care than it seems.

  3. ok-I am going to throw in as well-go ahead and laugh if it strikes you but some people are “marked” and no matter how many attempts they make-they cannot and do not die-I know that sounds crazy-but is the truth

  4. Pingback: This is another reason why I Kick Ass | xtremelust·

  5. Hey.. My Angel… You scare people! Including me… Please let us know at beginning of post you’re ok…
    I was one second from calling 911!
    Hugging you! 🐇❤👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼

  6. ……… yes……….scarey shit baby
    I know were you live
    the flight is long
    I hate flying
    AND it will not be a “fun” spanking

  7. Not sure how I stumbled here but this is an amazing piece of creative writing! Due to recent turns of events in my life I’ve come to know this type of serious pain… (a close friend, not myself) and your post helped me understand him a bit better… if that makes sense…
    Thanks for sharing!

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