The ‘needy’ label

Life sometimes takes us to dark places. It could be as simple as moving, or maybe the loss of a loved one. You could be dealing with some personal dilemma or it could that you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

There is no easy way through the darkness, you just feel around for whatever you can. You look towards the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and you try to figure out how you got here to begin with.

You need help.

You just need someone to listen without the constant ‘calm down.’, ‘you’re getting worked up over nothing.’ You don’t need people to belittle you for feeling those emotions, which to the outsider, may seem foreign or over the top. You just need someone to hug you and tell you ‘it’s going to be okay’.

You need support.

People like to throw labels out ‘crazy’ or ‘depressed’, the one I hate the most is ‘needy’. You don’t need people throwing out labels and calling you needy in your time of crisis.

Needy people are not damaged goods. They are a resource, they are guides, and they are the people we turn to when it is our turn to be ‘needy’. Do understand that no matter how self reliant and independent you are; you will be ‘needy’ from time to time.

Today there is a trend towards being indifferent to people who are ‘needy’. We turn our backs to these people and say ‘sorry, I’ve got my own problems.’ However, it is just another form of neediness, saying ‘I need to focus on me.’  Ironically, I see the people find that dark place and turn into everything they disdained.

Do not get me wrong, I have found myself doing the same thing; I am not innocent from this. I am only human, but we can try to be better.

I even see people hate the very need they created. They will make promises and do not keep them. They refuse to talk about things that have to be addressed in a relationship for it to work. So the neglected or abused person responds in a natural way, seeking to get the attention or love he or she needs [or was promised]. More labeling and indifference ensue and they are now caught in a vicious cycle of neglect and compensation.

It’s like hitting a person and yelling at them when they complain it hurts.

As a kid, my Uncle had a dog. Number seven; named so because he was the seventh dog to be put down that day until he rescued him. He was an ugly dog; no one wanted him so he had patches of his hair missing and he was scared of everything. He was not able to walk a straight line so he ran from side to side inevitably hitting everything in the room.

However, he followed my uncle everywhere with just a hint of his tongue sticking out. He was loyal and everyday when my uncle came home he would beg for his attention and love. I never once saw him turn the poor dog away no matter how tired he was from work or how much pain he was dealing with.

He needed that love, he earned it and you can believe he got it.

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