‘I prefer to live in my reality where there is still magic.’
I remained quiet, her words resonating in my ears and left me thinking about it all. I love magic; I really do, so then why does it feel like we are on two different pages.
The drive home after that would be a silent one, not out of anger but out of exhaustion. The reply to her comment would not formulate in my brain the words, jumbled seemed more like alphabet soup than anything remotely articulate enough to respond in reply.
However, I was left thinking about what she had said. Could she be right? Did I grow up somewhere along the line and not realize it?
No, that couldn’t be it.
Then what was it?
After some time, with a little help from some rest, I finally realized what it was. It’s not that I didn’t love the idea of magic, no far from it in fact.
It was that I wanted to be the magician.
There is magic in the world we live in, physics and chemistry, biology and engineering, they are all magical to the right person. I love the idea of happy thoughts propelling me through the air, of unicorns and monsters in the depths.
Magicians always vexed me though, sleight of hand, deception, it was all pretty but the wires were still there. I wanted real magic. The kind that would make people fly, the kind that would fix what is wrong with a person and give them a life back that they never thought they would have.
I love magic, as a child I was always in awe of it. Now as an adult I want to be in control of it, I want to be the one who waves a wand and make a person whole again after being sawed in half. I want to make something from nothing and give hope and inspiration to people.
At the end of the day I still very much love the idea of flying with my happy thoughts, and maybe in little ways I still do.
As a child, I dreamt as big as I could, as an adult, I can dream even bigger.
The world has magic in it; we just need to look hard enough. I enjoy watching magic happen just as much as the next person does; I enjoy believing that fairytales are real and that unicorns are hidden, but that isn’t enough for me.
I want to be the one on stage, I want to make magic happen.
I want to be the magician.