She was already beet red from embarrassment. ‘Don’t look; I don’t want you to see.’ A sort of confusion came about; I didn’t understand how it could be that bad. Eventually I convinced her to let me see why she was upset.
‘You think I’m ugly, don’t you?’
I was silent, as I stood there and looked. At first, I did not see it, not that she would believe me. However, eventually I saw the problem. I saw what she saw, ‘It doesn’t look bad love, you can’t even really tell.’
‘I saw it and you can tell, don’t lie to me.’
Whenever I think something different, I am lying. This instance was no different. After some consoling I got a second look, it all looked natural enough and if I wasn’t trying so hard to find a problem with it I would’ve never seen what she was talking about.
‘It’s not that bad, no one will notice.’ I repeated my reassurances to her.
They fell on deaf ears however, she wouldn’t, and truly, still does not believe me. Society has taught her that beauty is the currency of life and she couldn’t be loved if there was a blemish anywhere to be found.
So every morning, religiously she applies a bit of makeup and does her hair; she sits in the mirror and stares at things only she sees; things she hates about herself. When she is done she probably feels much like I do, presentable, but that is about it.
Beauty is only skin-deep, how many times do we hear that in society, while at the same time being sold products to make us look like the people on the covers of magazines. People whom, after Photoshop don’t even look like themselves anyway.
Beauty is not only skin-deep.
Beauty is who you are; it is what you do. Beauty is stopping what you are doing to take care of a sister. Beauty is more about what you have molded yourself to be and less about what you see in the mirror.
Sometimes what you see as flaws, are what people find most attractive about you. Thanks to the procedure, she has a lisp, we joke about it a little and laugh when she says something funny but to be honest I find it cute. I really like it and even though she doesn’t, I will be sad to see it go when it is all said and done.
At the end of the day she will always be beautiful. So as she gets old, every wrinkle, every sag in the skin, they will tell a story that I got to be around to enjoy. It won’t make her ugly or less attractive, it will make her even more beautiful because those are memories we got to make together and anyone who tells her otherwise never understood beauty to begin with.
I cannot shelter her from popular culture or the cry of companies telling her to stop aging or I will think she is ugly. I cannot take away her insecurities about her looks or the way she thinks I feel about her. Mine is just one voice in the multitude she has to hear on a daily basis telling her what to think and how to feel.
It’s a constant struggle for her to see herself as I see her and I doubt she ever will. But every morning and every night I remember to tell her she is beautiful and that I love her, despite being told to stop or not right now.
It’s funny to think that a person’s worth has to be tied to the way they look and if it isn’t exactly how society wants you to look then it is wrong and you are worthless. But here we are and that is the society we live in.
So now, she has a temporary crown on a tooth that is ever so slightly shorter than the one next to it even though it lines up perfectly with the one on the other side. She lisps when she says things despite not wanting to talk and trying to ‘correct it’. She feels self-conscious any time she opens her mouth now.
However, when I look over at her I see my wife. I see a beautiful, outrageously attractive woman who settled for far less than she really deserves by settling for me. I see the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, the woman whom the love I have for her is more than I ever thought possible. And when she smiles, I see a million different reasons why she is the woman I couldn’t even dream about because I am not that lucky, even in my dreams.
I just see her, no flaws, no wrinkles, nothing, just her, that is the truth of it. And anyone telling you different, is trying to sell you something.