Her name was Cassidy…

Lora Zombie Rain

I loved her and all the promises of a future she offered. I loved her even the night she died, in my arms. I wasn’t looking for her, but when I saw her I knew she was the one.

I was young, we met in a Sam’s club parking lot, where I worked… as a cart pusher. It wasn’t the most romantic of meetings and to a casual observer it wouldn’t have seemed like anything at all. But not for me, for me it was love.

Cassidy had always been well taken care of, in her life there was never a shortage of love and it had shown. It would be a point of contention for us given the family life I had, but one I tried to overlook. My life at the time was caged, I was not the person I am today and certainly not very much of a person at the time.

But she promised freedom, new experiences and exciting adventures. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but I was young, naive, and life had other plans for us.

I still remember the late night drives down Pacific coast highway, the smell of the cool ocean breeze and the chance to be alone, just the two of us. Having her with me gave me a new and strange sense of confidence, something I never had before.

She gave me hope; I loved her for it.

Soon I was spending every dime I had on her, going out, having fun and just living. One by one those little promises came true, I saw parts of the place I called home that I never even knew existed. I spent nights on the beach sleeping under the stars, and even now enjoying the cool water and sand between my toes will bring back memories of her.

For the first time in my life I felt like I could potentially be happy, like it was something tangible that I could wrap myself in and just… be. Our relationship was perfect, young love, until the night I lost her.

My day at work was coming to an end. But I wasn’t going home, no, I didn’t want to be at a home that I didn’t enjoy so we decided to go over to one of my friends instead. The night was going to be fun, a drive down the coast, like so many nights before with dinner under the stars and long talks of dreams that I couldn’t tell to anyone else but her.

Coming up to the stoplight I didn’t think anything of making the left turn that I had made so many times before, a green arrow meant it was safe for me to go. But it wasn’t and I blame myself for not paying more attention.

The car came out of nowhere, ran the light and hit me square on the passenger side door sending me firmly in between a wall and a telephone poll. It happened so fast in fact, that I thought I had just hit the curb and was busy thinking about how I was going to fix the car and the paint that was surely scratched, that is until I got out.

My friend who was in front of us in another car saw the whole thing, he said he was relieved when he saw me exit the car, but Cassidy wasn’t so lucky. The police, fire and ambulance all arrived quickly, or maybe it just felt quick given what had happened.

I fell into tears watching the men handling Cassidy, all the while blaming myself for what had just happened. I could barely get a word out when the police asked me what had happened. They spent what felt like seconds trying to ‘comfort me’.

But my world was over and life had taken away my partner, someone I loved and I would never be the same because of it. Cassidy was something special and I would spend years chasing the feeling she gave me, unsuccessfully of course.

Sometimes we apply human qualities to animals or inanimate things. People frequently do that to cope with life or give them an outlet, not always, but sometimes.

My life was sad, I had few friends and even fewer people I could talk with, Cassidy was my outlet to keep me sane… well as sane as someone could be talking to his car.

Cassidy was a 1984 Pontiac Trans-Am. She was my first car and I loved her like no other car that came after her. I saw her and breathed a life into her, I made her real, as real as you or me. In return she breathed new life into me, she helped me dream, something I was afraid to do and still temper because of that fear.

I still cry over her from time to time and you might think I’m crazy for that. But you didn’t know her the way I did.


7 responses to “Her name was Cassidy…

  1. Incredibly well-written and heart wrenching. I can genuinely say that I’m truly sorry for your loss. I know that feeling of first love and I was tearing up reading about your tragedy.

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