Marriage is hard, anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. Being a newly wed my wife and I thought we would share some tips to help you
hide the body after that last fight have a strong, healthy relationship with your partner.
Marriage is like the first World War, you dig in your trenches and fight long hard, bloody battles just for that extra inch and you
back down take it with pride. Communication? Who needs it, what you need is a unconditional surrender! You work day and night to make sure you are on the same page. Who knew speaking the same language could be so difficult?
I can’t imagine someone saying they have a ‘perfect’ marriage where no one ever fights or argues. It just sounds like only one person is doing the thinking at that point and
that’s how it should be where is the fun it that? Marriage is about learning how to make compromises [which is pronounced COM promise] with the other person, it’s turning yourself inside out to be closer to the one you want to kill love.
It takes work and no one ever explained to me how to do it, what I want to do is help people out with things I wish I would’ve known before I tied the knot. So here are some tips for all of the guys who are
stupid lucky enough to have taken the marriage plunge!
1. Get her cable.
Women have the attention span of a goldfish [being generous here of course, guys you know what I mean] if you are female and you made it this far, congratulations on your husband letting you have a computer in the kitchen, my wife loves hers too!.
TV takes that short attention span and feeds it, the more channels the better. What woman can resist watching red necks on TV doing
stupider things than she does stupid things. My wife loves honey boo boo, I don’t get the show myself, I’m not a reality TV person or a TV person in general. Before I got married I didn’t have cable for over 10 years.
Now when I need some quite time I just put her in front of the TV [like a good husband] and make sure that she keeps up with the cooking and cleaning. Not that she ever really needs to be reminded, but I am a good husband like that.
2. Praise your wife often
We all know what it feels like to think that we are unappreciated. Now I know what you are thinking guys, but my wife never does anything right. I know, I know… But we need to complement them from time to time so they can strive to be better instead of just giving up.
Does her cooking taste
like dog food great? Well tell her! She needs to know that you are looking out for her. Did she make that sandwich you love so much just right? Well a thumbs up lets her know that you approve.
Sure you need to supervise her and make sure that she doesn’t burn herself on the stove or suck one of the cats into the vacuum cleaner. But that’s part of being married, letting her know that she is a
horrible screw up blossoming young woman who will eventually be able to think for herself… one day… maybe.
3. New Gadgets make for a happy wife
Now most women are quick to point out we don’t live in the 50’s anymore and they are absolutely right!
Today’s women are smart and independent. What better to celebrate that independence and intelligence than with a new kitchen gadget that makes her job easier!
My wife had a small list of things she wanted when we decided to get married. A stand up mixer, vacuum cleaner, and she really, really wanted our own washer and dryer.
Well now your modern wife can clean in style! She can do laundry in a stand up washer and dryer which is not only better for her back but also saves the environment! Who needs to mix by hand when your wife feels the urge to make you some delicious treats? A stand up mixer helps solve that problem! This is the 21st century people, women deserve respect and equality and nothing says equality like new gadgets to keep your wife entertained all day while you handle the important man business [like making sure she can watch her cable shows!].
4. Have your wife stocked up on candy
Do you want to know the secret to not fighting? Have plenty of candy for your wife to eat. Christmas just came and went for the lunatics and nothing says love in our house like giving my wife almost 2 pounds of Reese’s candy to eat.
Now as a good husband I didn’t just stop with that, there was also plenty of caramel filled goodies to go around for her as well, not to mention all the tasty treats she made in the kitchen over the holiday time!
Gentleman you cannot fight with your wife when she is busy eating her candy, bonus points if it is in front of that big screen TV watching something on cable!! Show her you love her by making sure you have a cupboard dedicated just to snack food. That way she will never go hungry again between meals when she is in the kitchen cooking something.
5. Computer games make women happy too!
So as a man what do you do when you want to watch TV? After a long days work you deserve it, I mean how hard is cooking and cleaning the house all day? That is why it is woman’s work after all.
Well you give her computer games, of course! This Christmas I got my wife the Sims 3 into the future expansion pack. I’m not sure if she likes it since she hasn’t said anything to me since Christmas but that is because she hasn’t stopped playing it yet so I’m assuming that she does. Which frees up the TV whenever I can pry the remote away from her, but as a good husband I let her have it whenever she wants.
Let’s face it guys, we are in the era of equal rights and independent women. We need to make sure that we change and evolve too. With these few tips we can make sure that we treat women with the respect and dignity that they deserve, because it is so cute when women pretend they can think for themselves!
In no time your wife will be happy and content with the new married life that you two have signed up for, just make sure you take into consideration what she wants and needs. I mean my wife wants a new bookshelf and a new vacuum and you know what, equal rights people, she is going to get both.
A marriage can’t work unless both people are giving. Woman fought to be treated like equals and marriage is no exception. So this is my few tips for that married man who has no clue how to treat his new wife.
My new wife is happy and yours can be too!