Dear Earth, a letter on global warming


Dear planet Earth,

Sorry buddy people are talking, there is a lot of hoopla going around about this ‘global warming’ thing. You might want to see a Doctor and get rid of it.

But then again what is this ‘global warming’ all about? Well, I turned on the news and found out that it is basically a lie… yep. Not real and you know how I know? Because it is cold out.

Freezing in fact.

All across the US, which Earth, I am hoping you remember us back here, we are freezing. You should probably put on a coat or sit us a little closer to that galactic sized heater we call the sun.

Sure it is winter time and I expect it to be wet, rainy, and freezing across most of America, but really? Did you have to go and make it that bad?

Which brings be back to that global warming nonsense, so it turns out that someone just made it up, ha recycling and reducing waste. Who the hell needs to do that? Here we were about to make the world a better place for a lie.

But it got me thinking about what was up with that crazy idea? I mean who in the right mind would go spreading rumors like that?

Well it turns out that once I started reading some of that ‘science’ stuff, the claim goes something like this [please let me know if I have this wrong Earth, I wouldn’t want to be misinformed]. The more things we put up in the air, namely CO2 emissions and other ‘green house gases’ as ‘they’ call it [whoever these ‘they’ are] the ‘warmer’ the planet gets.

I don’t buy it. If that was the case I should be running around in shorts right now instead of trying to tunnel out of the snow pack.

But… and there is always a but in there somewhere for some reason or another. ‘They’ [who must know a lot apparently] also say that ‘global warming’ isn’t just about warming, it is about having increasingly stronger weather patterns and change in the climate.

That makes more sense to me.

Nevertheless, I wanted to go to the source and ask directly what you thought about all this. I wouldn’t want to start changing my lifestyle to better the future if the looming danger is just one big lie to help make the planet more sustainable.

Who in their right mind would want to do work like that unless there was something in it for me?

So any who Mrs. E [I can call you Mrs. E, right?] what do you think about all this? The people want to know and no one seems to think to ask you whats going on. Well I hope all is well with you! Tell Santa I was good this year, even if we are only eight days or so into it. Now excuse me while I try to tunnel out of my home.

All the best,


9 responses to “Dear Earth, a letter on global warming

  1. Really? Natural disasters related to climate have increased four fold over the last decade and a half. You need to read a little more. The ice caps are melting….ask any pilot who has flown international flights for the last thirty years what they believe! Then again, you don’t have to believe. I have a little DARE for you, DON’T DO ANYTHING, just watch and wait, maybe someone else will save the world from attitudes like yours. We have less than five years to turn it around before it’s just too late for us. Which means there will be no world for your children’s children.

    • Relax, it’s satire, I wrote it based on the idea that even if you don’t believe in global warming, why fight making the world a better place?

      I don’t know if I really agree with the idea of five years left to do something about it, but I do think that I want to leave the world in better shape for my kids than I found it.

      • The food chain is on the verge of collapsing….look into it. All of the worlds best oceanographers sent a letter to one of the scientific publications that was basically a scream to the world….when I said five years, that was me being optimistic. Although, I do have a dare for you. I dare you to do nothing…..think about this, everything that you eat was alive at one time. You cannot eat rocks. Once the food chain collapses, what will you eat? And as for your children and their children, unless we do something NOW, they wont have a world to worry about. We will all be dead within fifty years. Scary? Because it’s true….go to “culture in decline” on youtube and watch them all. Then see if you sleep well at night. Also, watch the “best of Ted talks” hope this makes you feel better. Satire on this one issue only encourages those that are raping our world. And I am always relaxed as I realize that people just don’t care and as a result, they have no future either. Maybe they can shop…..

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